Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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