U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
