sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
