we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
operation harelip BJ is a go
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
