I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize