I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Semen is not good for contacts.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
