Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
