Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
