Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
