it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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