he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
