Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
