I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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