he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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