i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize