You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
