i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
