the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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