I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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