The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
