You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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