I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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