She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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