Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
