The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
