It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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