i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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