My friends, they love my intelligence
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
