the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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