Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
