the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
