Four minutes until I can fart!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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