Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Drake has all the answers
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
