Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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