I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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