but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize