Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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