Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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