I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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