Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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