If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize