his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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