it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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