i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She just used a chaser for red wine.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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