I'm gonna have a badass scar
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
