just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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