dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
