so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
