Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
another moral hangover. fuck.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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