I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
