it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What a fucking waste of an outfit
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
