So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize