I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
