The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
