New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
