Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize