Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
