You're so nebulous sometimes
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
