p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
