I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
