Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
