Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
