I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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