Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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