She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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