Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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