I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
