And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
