party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
