we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
please don't ironically join a cult
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