barbara walters just said penis...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
