Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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