Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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