Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
