Cold hands, warm shart.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
