dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
