i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
