If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
