I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
