Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
