That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
