apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
