I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
