Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
