I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize