If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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