Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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