Got a toothbrush?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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