don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
