Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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