I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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