My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
