$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
